A NEW YEAR'S LETTER HOME

4th January, 1994

Greetings Everyone,

Hope you all had a good holiday. As usual, I'm in my "Post-Christmas-Blues" phase -- which always starts at least a week before Christmas. I just can't stand for it all to be over with for another whole year! To cheer myself up, and because I was such a good girl and didn't even go on the ladies Christmas shopping trip this year, I'm taking Alexis out to Singapore just for the fun of it this weekend. We hope to take in a good movie and eat at T.G.I.Friday's. A new Chili's restaurant is supposed to be opening soon, but I don't know when.

Christmas day at the Tates' house.

Things were fairly quiet around here compared to Christmases past, but there was still plenty going on. Only trouble is, instead of having to see the same bunch of people over and over again at every party, you now have to see the same itty-bitty bunch of people over and over again. John and I sometimes stand there watching them, and wonder what on earth they could possibly have to talk about after all this time. (Answer? Each other!) The most fun party of the season, if I do say so myself, was the Bunco/dinner party for 8 couples that John and I threw. Also, another girl and I did a cookie exchange for the older kids, and that was fun too. I would have loved to make your new chocolate trifle recipe Mom, but we can't get Heath bars here, so I had to take my old traditional version to our annual Christmas day get-together with the Reehs and the Tates. The really exciting news this year is that, for once, our driver Yusuf and his family did not come for their usual two hours of just sitting and staring at us on Christmas day! For Christmas Alexis got about 99 different craft projects, including a candle-dipping set, a lap loom, a paper-making kit, etc. Unfortunately, by the end of the first week of vacation she'd done them all, and she was B-O-R-E-D! The second week was somewhat tedious.

We were a little shocked when we discovered that Kathy and Bud had sent 15 videos for the Silverman's son to bring us. I had led him to believe that there would only be a couple. Apart from the fact that he didn't have a lot of luggage space, there is the problem that videos are contraband here and can be confiscated by customs, so you have to hide them. He did manage to sneak in five, though, and we have really savored them. They are also in high demand around the compound. We shared our episodes of Seinfeld with the Silvermans, who are from New York, and they went wild over them. I'm sure they will put pressure on their son to squeeze in a few more tapes when he comes back in March. Can't wait!

Alexis' big excitement is that she may get to have an article published in a magazine! Prisi gave her a subscription to American Girl magazine, and apparently sent in a little information about her as well, when she saw that they were hoping to do an article about American girls who are living abroad. Anyway, this week she got this big, special delivery "urgent" envelope containing a questionnaire for her to fill out, and asking for photos as well. She is so excited! Unfortunately, a lot of other little girls received that same questionnaire, so let's hope her story makes it into the magazine.

The new cook is working out fairly well. I guess. It's great not having to make three meals a day from scratch, day in and day out -- especially when you consider how little I have to work with over here. But, I absolutely hate the fact that she's gradually rearranging my kitchen to suit herself, and now I can't find anything. Also, the kitchen has always been my home base, kinda like my hangout. Now Era keeps the door closed most of the time, to keep the smells in I suppose, and I find myself sort of drifting aimlessly about the house, not sure exactly where to settle!

P.T. Arun took away everyone's company cars as of the first, so we're back to being a one car family. Also, we know that they are pulling a few work permits in March, but the only one that we know of for sure is our next door neighbors, the Lyons. They are none too happy, since he was hoping to hang on another two or three years, until he can retire. Not sure if he will be able to find something else at age 57, or not. It's going to drive us crazy, not knowing what's coming, but there's nothing John can do but wait for his boss to find something in the job postings he gets, that might be suitable for us. In the meantime, we're trying to make plans for our summer home leave, and haven't a clue what to do! Should we travel home and back together, so we can get round-the-world tickets and stop in Denmark to see Eric on the way home, and in Hawaii on the way back, or should we wait and do Denmark and London next Christmas? Will we even be here still next Christmas? Should the kids and I stay all summer, so they can go to camps, etc., and just forget about stopping somewhere with John? But what if it's our last chance to ever see any of these places? The one thing John really wants to do is try and manage a trip up to Colorado to see Patti and Brad, who moved to Cortez when they left here, and maybe go to Creede while there. But should he take his vacation in June, July or August? If any of you have answers to all these questions, please feel free to share, so we can get this show on the road! In the meantime, I'll be right here, fretting. Take care, and write soon.

Oh yeah, Theda -- John really enjoyed the book and cologne you sent him, and the kids were ecstatic about their $40. We gave it to them in Indonesian money, which came to 80,000 rupiah each. They feel like millionaires!

MAY MAYHEM

Dearest Friends,

Anyone who refers to the "merry" month of May has never been an expatriate mom. Those of us who have know that it is anything but. It was not merry, it was mayhem, bedlam, and I doubt if my hubby has any clue how close I came to edge a few times -- especially when we'd get everything worked out, only to have him come home and announce a change in plans. Here is just a sampling of what I found written in my agenda for the last few weeks of the school year in '93:

• hosted/attended at least 16 lunch, dinner, and cocktail functions, over and above the usual weekly things like Shanghai group and Girl Scout meetings
• planned and carried out the infamous Girl Scout campout
• prepared for and taught the littles in Sunday School each week
• stressed out over the care of my sons eczema, which had flared into some icky infection
• went to choir rehearsals and performed on Mother's Day
• made hotel reservations for the stops on our trip home, confirmed flights, and updated friends and family on our plans
• held a scout leaders meeting to make our plans for the following year, and to figure out what supplies needed to be purchased in the States while we were there
• prepared and sent out invitations for a special murder mystery party I was planning to host the following fall, since guests might want to gather "parts" for their costumes while home
• held a teacher appreciation luncheon
• withdrew enough money to pay our staff salaries while we were away, and took it to my next door neighbor, along with instructions
• met with the school principal to tie up loose ends, since we needed to take the kids out of school a few days early in order for John to attend a school in Cincinnatti
• bought last minute hostess gifts for all the people we would be staying with over the summer, including Marie Biscuits and cans of the coffee-flavored candy that everyone loved
• made shopping lists of everything we might possibly need in the coming year, that we couldn't get in Sumatra
• tried to figure out what to pack for a family of four, three of whom would be away all summer, and two of whom would be going off to camps and such, so that we would have everything we might need, but still have plenty of room left in which to bring back all that stuff on the above shopping lists
• left instructions for our staff, and prayed that they would take good care of our puppy dog
• Oh yeah! There was another play to help out with too!

I don't really recall what the play was about. All I know is the kids wrote the script themselves, and somehow managed to include wizards...

Kitty Kats...

Vampires...

and the cutest big red ant ever!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEGINNING TO ADJUST WHEN...

7th April, 1993

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry it's been so long since my last letter, but I was just way too busy having fun, with visiting sister Kathy, to stop and sit at the computer! We really had a blast, but I guess you could say her agenda ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous. We started off by picking her up in Singapore and going straight to Penang. We stayed at the same place we went to last year -- the one with all sorts of organized activities for the kids, the great rock slide into the pool, massages on the beach, little flags to raise when you wanted another drink, etc. (you get the picture!) Then we took her to Lake Toba back in Sumatra. Carolyn is the only one who can fully appreciate what you have to go through to get there, for she has now "experienced" travel in Indonesia!

Sister Kathy, a.k.a. Gus

First we had a one hour flight back to Medan -- not too bad, although you might not recognize any of the foods they serve on board. The Medan airport itself is the real adventure. No air-conditioning, lots of clove-scented smoke, millions of little porters in yellow jumpsuits who scramble for your bags, whether you want them to or not, and then head off in ten different directions, etc. Then there are the mobs of people, none of whom believe in queuing up for anything! Assertiveness goes first so, of course, we are always last.

We were met there by a very nice driver with a van who, unfortunately, spoke not one word of English.  (sad to say, our Indonesian isn't so hot either) He took us to lunch at Pizza Hut, and to the grocery store to stock up on "survival food." Then we embarked on the four hour trip up to Lake Toba, and this is where words fail me. All I can say is, thank heaven I had on my motion sickness patch, and was able to sit in back with my eyes closed the entire trip. I thought I had developed nerves of steel with regards to the local driving habits, but this was a true test! It was worth it though (easier to say, now that I've come out alive) for the lake truly is amazing. The island in the middle of it is larger than Singapore (so imagine the size of the lake itself!) and was originally the home of the Batak tribe, who were cannibals (we got to see some of their ancient stone tables, chairs and execution blocks) and they managed to withstand the influence of the Moslems by isolating themselves on the island and eating any strangers who ventured in. At least one intrepid missionary must have managed to infiltrate the island without being eaten, for now they are all Christians. They really love music and singing, and you see "Batak Singers" listed as entertainment at clubs all over Asia.  We stayed in some really neat cottages that resembled Batak houses, with roofs that are pointed on each end -- no A.C., but you don't really need it since it's nice and cool up in the mountains. Oh yeah, did I mention that this lake was formed in an ancient volcano crater?

After spending a few days here, we had to do the whole tedious trip in reverse. Unfortunately, I had used up my last patch, so I was green most of the trip. We were convinced of our driver's excellence when he managed to find us a little minit mart type place to stop at on the way home that actually had a clean bathroom. No, the toilet was not western style, but at that point, we really didn't care. Hey! That reminds me! A friend in Jakarta found this in her book on culture shock:

You know you are beginning to adjust to Indonesia when...

• you spend the night on the toilet, and don't bother mentioning it the next morning
• you sleep through the 4:30 A.M. call to prayer from the mosque's loudspeaker
• you don't flinch when faced with squatting over an Asian-style toilet
• you are positive cars in American movies are driving on the wrong side of the road
• you go on home leave, and try to bargain in the department store

I guess you could say we are very well-adjusted now!

Poor Kathy thought she was going to end her vacation by spending the week here at our house being waited on by our staff, lounging around the pool, and having facials and manicures at the salon. Unfortunately, she arrived right at the end of Ramadan (I swear I didn't know this when Bud bought her ticket last summer), which meant the help was on vacation the whole week, and the salon was closed. She's convinced I planned it that way so that I would have her help doing all those dishes by hand, and having to hang laundry out on the clothesline, since the dryer quit working the day she arrived! We still managed to have lots of fun and sun, then had a great couple of days in Singapore (hey Gus, remember eating Boober Cha Cha for tea at the Raffles, and almost wetting our pants, we got to giggling so hard?) before she had to head home. All in all, this has been a fantastic year for me, but next year will be rough. We are fairly certain we won't be having any more visitors from home, and the longer we are here, the more homesick we get. Also, the older Alexis gets, the harder it will be on her at school, since there will be less and less kids near her age.

Tonight is the dress rehearsal for John's play. He's done nothing but moan and groan about it from day one, so I was really shocked when I finally saw a rehearsal and discovered that he was great! The director says he is the most improved of all the cast members. His only problem is that he has trouble keeping a straight face when he says something funny, but I think the audience will love it all the more if he actually loses it during a performance! He swears he will never do this again, but maybe it will be like having babies, and he will forget about the agony after a while.

Not much else to tell, except to update you on our plans for the summer. Looks like we will be arriving in Cincinnati around 6:00am Sat., May 22, then in Dallas Sat., May 29, around 10:00 am. John will probably drive on out to Odessa the next day, but the kids and I will wait and fly out a week later. Luckily, we will be there to keep George company so that Theda can fly up to see Megan graduate from high school June 10th. Around June 28th we plan to head for the hills! (Texas Hill Country, that is) We hope to stop in and see the Reeh's ranch in Doss, meet up with the Sanfords in Fredericksburg, maybe take in Fiesta Texas in San Antonio, and finally end up by dropping Alexis off at camp in San Marcos on July 4th. We've discovered what appears to be a great one at Southwest Texas State University's Edwards Aquifer Research and Data Center. It's called Aquatic Studies Summer Camp, and they combine learning about pond, river and aquifer life with doing fun things every afternoon like tubing, rafting, and going to Schlitterbahn, Aquarena Springs, Seaworld and Natural Bridge Caverns. She's really excited, and it looks like her friends Lizzie and Jennifer Newsome will be going too (same one she went to Scout camp with last year).

Anyway, as soon as we drop her off we will head up to Dallas, since John has to fly out late on July 8th. Then I will have to turn around and go back to get Alexis the next weekend. Anyone care to go along for the ride?  It looks like July 16th will be the best weekend for our family trip to New Orleans, to celebrate Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary. May 1st is the actual day, but they are sneaking away on a cruise by themselves, and waiting until we get home this summer for the family celebration.

That covers just about everything, except for a 3 or 4 week orgy of malls, movies and restaurants, before the kids and I head back home around August 11th. Y'all take care, and let me know if anyone hears of any great activities for Mr. Austin to participate in this summer. We can't wait to see you all, and are counting the days until we head in that direction -- 43 to be exact!

P.S. I've got lots of pictures I'll be posting over the next few days. In fact, we took so many on these trips that I will have to sort through them first, and just pick out the best of the best!

THE BIG BLOW-UP

Dearest Friends,

In some ways my hubby and I are a lot alike. For one thing, we are both extremely non-confrontational. We'd do just about anything to avoid an argument -- our own, or anyone else's. In my case it was so extreme that just watching things like the Three Stooges or Abbot and Costello could make me twitchy. Part of this, I'm sure, is that neither of us has a glib tongue. John is a good listener, a great audience. I'm the one who thinks of brilliant rejoinders -- hours after the fact when it's too late to do me any good! Hence, we would surely lose in a battle of words, especially with someone who could think on the fly. Anyhoo, since we both hated arguing, and had not yet been taught how to handle disagreements productively, a lot of stuff was still getting swept under the rug in those days.

In other ways we were polar opposites. It was that classic half-empty/half-full scenario. No matter how bad things got, I usually managed to stay fairly cheerful. No matter how good things got, John still managed to stay fairly glum -- which created a nice balance, for the most part. While living the ex-pat life, however, it actually led to one of our biggest fights.

Miss Becky's nest in the Indo-house, where she did her thinking and writing.

You see, I did such a good job of making the best of things that, eventually, John would always forget that there was any down-side to my situation -- that I had given anything up, or made any trade-offs to be there. All he saw was that he had to go to work every day, while I stayed home with a maid and a driver. As if that weren't bad enough, I had the nerve to be all chipper when he got home each day, wanting to tell him about all the fun things the kids and I did while he was at work! Anyway, things finally came to a head one weekend when John went to make a peanut butter sandwich, and discovered we were out of bread. He blurted out something rather hurtful, on the order of "You'd think a woman who didn't have a damn thing to do all day could at least manage to keep bread in the house!", then grabbed the kids and headed off to the snack bar, leaving me standing there with my mouth agape.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, words finally came to me, but of course, I had no one to say them to. They didn't come in a gentle way, either. It was more of an eruption. I had no choice but to grab a pen and start writing a letter to my hubby. I don't remember exactly what was in that one, but I do recall it as one of my better letters -- one where I was able to open his eyes to a few truths, but in a humorous way. I think I started out apologizing for the error of my ways, and telling him he deserved much better. Perhaps he deserved one of the wives we knew who stayed drunk all day long, because it was the only way they could deal with the tedious monotony of their lives here. Or perhaps he should be with the one who was sneaking off to sleep with her hubby's best friend while he was at work. Then again, maybe he would prefer one of those who seemed to be back in the states or away on trips more than they were ever here on the compound, or, better yet, one who refused to come to Indonesia in the first place, even if it meant death to her hubby's career. Oh wait, here's an idea! Maybe I should trade in my part-time maid and the ordeal of fixing my whole family three meals a day, from scratch, almost every darn day, and get not only a live-in maid and a cook, like most everyone we knew, but also a nanny for the kids, like a few others had. That way I could devote every waking minute to his needs.

OK, maybe I didn't really say all that. I think I got a bit carried away there towards the end. Skip that last part and jump ahead to where I closed by saying something like "Silly me! I never knew I actually had a choice in any of this. I thought I had to quit my job at Chez Vous, say goodbye to my friends and family, and a home and a church I adored, to follow you to the ends of the earth. I thought it was my duty to make the most of the situation, and to stay as busy and cheerful as possible. I thought that was what you wanted! Was I wrong? If so, there is a simple solution. Book those tickets and we can be on the next plane outta here!"

His reply? "Damn, Becky! Did you have to go and make me laugh? Couldn't you let me enjoy my righteous indignation a little bit longer,  just this once?"

THE HELP

Dearest Friends,

After more than a year in Sumatra, I still wasn't crazy about having staff, but I had learned to live with it. And, if I had to have a housekeeper, there could have been none better than our Asnah. What a jewel she was! My kids adored her, and I think she was pretty crazy about them, too. Because I didn't want them turning into spoiled brats who expected to be waited upon, the rule at our house had always been that Asnah could dust and mop in their bedrooms, but she was not to pick up after them or make their beds. That was their job. It wasn't until years later that one of them admitted to her picking up their toys all the time, and keeping it their little secret!

Asnah, Mrs., and Fatima

Another special person, who came into our lives that second year, was Fatima -- the baking lady! I still hadn't hired a cook, like most everyone else had, but when I heard about Fatima (that was her name wasn't it?) I just couldn't resist. You see, so much of what we take for granted in our supermarkets here just wasn't available over there, and therefore had to be made from scratch. Not just cakes, cookies, and pastries, but also pizza crusts, tortillas, even dinner rolls. Fatima could make all of these, and more!  I think she had a pretty long waiting list of prospective clients, but she happened to be best buds with our Asnah, who must have told her I was easy to work for (a patsy, in fact) so she squeezed me into her schedule. She came to our house every other Friday, if I remember correctly -- the very best days of the whole month, for not only were the aromas emanating from our kitchen beyond delicious, her presence always meant getting pizza for dinner that evening (a night off from cooking for mom!) and waking up to her sumptuous cinnamon rolls the next morning. Oh my my. Those cinnamon rolls.

One day that fall, Asnah came to me in tears, mumbling something about a terrible accident. A car accident? Had someone been hurt? Killed! "Oh no Mrs., a laundry accident!" As I mentioned before, our washing machine was a piece of crap, and it must not have dispensed all the bleach properly when she did a load of whites, for the color load that went in afterwards came out covered in white splotches. Compared to the horror I had been envisioning, this was not a big deal, but poor Asnah was so distraught, I thought I'd never get her calmed down!

After supper that evening, we were supposed to go up to the school yard to play volleyball with the older kids. John and I both decided it would be rather humorous if our whole family showed up clad in our polka-dotted clothes. We did get some good laughs out of it, but one woman actually said,"If she were my maid, she'd be out on her ass right now." I felt like telling her,"Well, if I were your maid, I'd probably bleach your clothes on purpose!" Jeez, people. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to laugh!

LETTERS FROM SUMATRA: SPRING BREAK

8th April, 1992

Greetings Friends and Relatives,

What's cookin'? I'm sure you will all feel sorry for me when I tell you that I have been without a maid or a driver for an entire week now (it's Lebaran -- the holiday at the end of Ramadan, when they finally get to quit fasting). I know you think I lead a disgustingly lazy life, and you're probably right, but the occasional week without staff keeps it all in the proper perspective -- i.e. no dishwasher, a clothes washer that doesn't work unless you stand right there the whole time and lift the lid every five minutes, no fresh fruit or vegetables unless you go to the deepest part of the market in Lhok Seumawe, where the smell of ripe durian is liable to have you tossing your cookies, and where we are not really supposed to go without our driver. Also, no frozen convenience foods, or even packaged mixes for that matter.  In fact, John and I were standing in the commissary the other day, and decided that there was not one single thing we could buy to make a quick, easy dinner with. It all has to be done from scratch, and that's providing you can even find all the ingredients you need. Right now one of our company planes is out of service, so they have cut out the weekly flights to Jakarta, and apparently that's where a lot of our groceries come from. So, the shelves are pretty bare right now. On top of all that, the kids have been on spring break this week, and it's been raining a lot, and most of their friends are away on trips. The moral of this story is, never stay home over spring break/Lebaran. Next year we are thinking New Zealand!

Mom, I got the packet of camp information you sent. Thanks so much. I think we will send Alexis for a week at Camp Betty Perot in mid-July. One of her buddies from here will probably go as well. The Hockaday and St. Marks day camps are just to #### expensive! Surely we will find something fun for Austin to do, there in town. I got a real nice letter from Prisi's parents this week. Alma included a little cookbook that some group there in Lafayette had done as a fundraiser, and it was called Tea Time Tasties. Looks like it's just our cup of tea! No kidding, the recipes really look great. It was sort of a neat coincidence too, because I had already decided to host a mother/daughter Christmas tea this year. It's still looking like John won't be able to go to Disney World with us, so we were very thankful when Kathy called and said she was game to take his place. I think we will all have a great time, except for poor John. Hopefully he will get to see Mike and Prisi though. I think he will arrive in Dallas on the 12th or 13th, and if I'm not mistaken, they will be there the week of the 14th.

Not much else to tell on this end. John needs to see a dermatologist in Singapore this weekend, to get another spot frozen, and we were quite thrilled for an excuse to go there on the company's dime (isn't that terrible, to get excited over your hubby's possibly cancerous spot?)! Some friends have offered to keep the kids for us, and I think John is really looking forward to getting away by ourselves for the first time.  In closing, I would like to share with you another tidbit from the never dull "Life with Austin" saga. We were sitting at the dinner table this week when, out of the blue, our six year old son asked "Do I have any anbrothers?" "I don't know," John replies. "What's an anbrother?" "Well, you know how Mom and Granny are always talking about their ansisters?  I just wondered, since I'm a boy, does that mean I have anbrothers?"

Well, take care, and write lots of letters!

THE WELCOME WAGON

Dearest Friends,

Unbeknownst to me, the Mobil wives had a welcoming committee of sorts, led by a woman named Pat Baig.  Their mission was to ease the new wives into life on the compound as seamlessly as possible, 'cause, as everybody knows, "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

So, instead of sitting alone in my sad empty house that first week, with nothing to do but feel sorry for myself, I had someone knocking on my door each morning, ready to escort me on another adventure!

Pat herself had made certain our house was spic and span before we arrived, and that it contained all the furniture, linens, dishes and cooking utensils it was supposed to have.  She also stocked our refrigerator with a casserole for that first night, and a few basics such as milk, bread, and eggs.  She then assigned six or seven different women to call on me, each with a different task.  Peggy volunteered for the first mission, that of meeting us at the airport.  Another lady came calling early Monday morning, and took the kids and I down to the school to show us around, introduce us to the principal and their teachers,  to remind me that the kids and dads would be coming home for lunch each day, and to make sure I volunteered to help out at the school!

Miss Becky teaches cooking to the younger classes.

Miss Patti showed up the next day, and introduced me to the three different grocery stores I'd be shopping from.  The one closest to us, near the school in Bukit Indah, was the one most likely to get American products, such as Philadelphia cream cheese, or the occasional Dr. Pepper!  The one in the Indonesian section of the compound carried more gift-like items which you could use as party favors, like little tea or glassware sets, and lots of crappy stuff the kids loved to spend their allowance on, such as cap guns and candy cigarettes.  The third one, where you had the best selection of plastic household stuff like dish drainers and storage crates, was out at Pioneer Camp.  Pioneer camp was a bunch of portable buildings and trailers where the very first people to come over were housed, but which was now used for things like the bank, the commissary, the beauty salon and the church.  The buildings left a lot to be desired, but they had the advantage of being near the beach, and there were even some boats that we were allowed to use.  Patti was the perfect one to show me the ropes of grocery shopping, since she and her hubby were serious foodies, and did more entertaining than anyone else on the compound!

Pioneer Camp

Another woman, though I don't remember which, drove me into Lhok Seumawe, showed me around the market, and introduced me to the fabric stalls.  It might have been my friend Crys, another of those we had known in Midland and Houston, and who's kids had played with ours a few times.  She was an avid seamstress, so she would have known her way around the fabric section and tailor shops.

A gal named Teresa came by one day, just to visit and share some home-baked cookies, and another one introduced me to the wonders of our "Beauty Parlor", which was housed in one of those trailers out at Pioneer Camp.  It may not have looked like much, but believe you me, it was everybody's favorite place to be!  Where else could you get a facial, a manicure or a haircut, for about $3 each!  Not to mention the fabulous head, neck and shoulder massage they threw in for free, each time they shampooed your hair (and the juicy tidbits of gossip you always picked up in the process).

The most memorable day was the one where Miss Melody escorted me around.  We had been warned never to wear shorts off the compound or to our husbands' office building, but in our own sections of the compound, we could wear whatever we pleased.  Since Melody was just going to show me the pool, tennis courts, golf course, clinic, lending library, etc., I wore my favorite new outfit -- a 2-piece cotton knit Liz Claiborne ensemble purchased just before we left.  It was a boat-necked top and matching culottes that hit just above my knees, made in a green and white pin stripe, and I even had green sandals that matched perfectly.  I thought I looked pretty spiffy!  Only problem was, Melody had an errand she needed to run while we were out and about, which involved stopping off at one of the administrative offices -- one where lots of Indonesian men were working.  As we walked down the long hallway, men started poking their heads out of the doorways, some coming out into the hall.  Suddenly there was lots of chattering and laughing going on, and I had the nasty feeling that it was directed at us!  "Um, Melody?  Do you have any idea what they are saying?"  "Well, not exactly, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with your exposed legs."  I don't think I ever wore that outfit again.

THE RUNAWAY

Dearest Friends,

The three people "lurking" around our house all day were our staff -- the ones we inherited from John's predecessor, Doug May.  You had to have a driver, since we expats weren't allowed to drive off-compound, and you had to have a gardener since there was a lot to care for, and we had no equipment. However, since I was still of the same mind about live-in help as I had been in those early days, the place where I dug my heels in was by not hiring a live-in housekeeper, a cook, and a nanny.  Instead, we had Asnah.  Asnah-the-Wonderful!

Asnah, who didn't want to live in, because the Mays had built a nice little house in town before they left, just for Asnah and her mother to live in; Asnah, whom our kids adored, and who was more than happy to babysit whenever we needed something more than a teenager; Asnah, who claimed she wasn't a good cook, but who always fixed a lovely dinner for the kids when we were away, had one waiting for us whenever we came back from out of town, and who's recipes are still some of our favorites, to this very day; Asnah, who wasn't afraid of dogs; Asnah, who left by 4:00 every day, and took a day and a half off each weekend, leaving us in blissful solitude!


Of course, our Lexie had no way of knowing all this yet, as we had just arrived a couple of days before.  All she knew was that her parents had been told they needed to attend some afternoon event down at the restaurant, no kids were allowed, and she was not happy about it.  Not one little bit!  And she was going to make them regret leaving her with this stranger.

Danny Reeh drove past her about a block from our house, and something about her posture and the fiercely determined look on her face made him pull over.  A few moments later he came into the restaurant and made a beeline for us, grinning his head off.  Much to our surprise, he announced that we had a visitor outside.  We glanced over towards the windows, and there was Alexis, hands on hips, eyes shooting daggers at us.  I left John at the party, made my apologies, and went home with my daughter.

LIFE IN A JUMBLE

Dearest Friends,

I like having a routine, and I always have.  Even as a young teen, I would make out weekly schedules for myself, as to when to do homework, give myself facials and manicures and such.  It's probably because I have such a terrible memory, and this is the only way I could ensure that everything important got done.  Actually, that's the true reason I started keeping these little agendas in the first place.  Once I reached my early teens, it was the only way I could think of to keep track of my babysitting jobs and schoolwork!  I just had to laugh, though, as I read ahead through the next few months of my 1977 agenda.  Every few pages, it seemed, I wrote that I had "made out a new schedule!"  Obviously, I was having a bit of trouble keeping things under control, and if you know me at all, you know what that means.  When Miss Becky has too much on her plate, Miss Becky gets stressed, and when Miss Becky gets stressed, there's just no telling what will happen!  I hadn't actually reached the dithering stage just yet, though.  For now, I was merely a wee bit discombobulated.

Some of John's photo-goofiness -- The Three Faces of Becky.  The one on the right is the face he saw when he stepped off the boat.  The one in the middle is probably the face he saw when he told me it was time to leave again!

By late March I was busy getting my boss ready for another buying trip to Paris, to stock up the new shop we'd be moving into.  A full year after applying, we were still on the stupid waiting list for a telephone, which could be kind of scary at times, especially with John offshore.  One time Paula and I were supposed to meet up to go shopping at the souk and have dinner afterwards, but she never showed up.  I had to wait until I got to work the next morning, to call and find out if she was ok!  The postal situation wasn't much better either, than it had been in Indonesia.  A birthday package that should have arrived in October, finally showed up on March 17.  Christmas packages came straggling in mid-April.  At least here though, they usually showed up without anything having been filched from them.  I was most ecstatic about a bunch of dressmaking patterns that Mom had sent, which set off a sewing frenzy!  I had also started work on a queen-sized flower garden quilt that I took with me to the handicrafts group meetings each week.  The needles were a-flyin'! 

John made it home for his first shore-leave on March 21st, only two days late.  He did go into the office while he was home, but usually just during the mornings, when I had to be at work myself, so that wasn't too bad.  Unfortunately, we made the mistake of meeting up with friends or having people over almost every day that he was home, which made the week fly by so quickly, it was over in the blink of an eye!  I got sooooo depressed when I found out his boat would be leaving the next day - especially when he told me his other bits of news.  Well, one bit was kind of good.  There was a chance we could still get a house out on the company compound where Paula and Nellie lived.  The other news however, made us unsure whether to accept it or not.  John's boss had informed him that they just couldn't do without him right now, so we wouldn't be able to take our home-leave and Greek vacation in June as we add planned.  In fact, they weren't really sure when they would be able to give him any time off.  Could this have been the beginning of the end?

THE NEW MISS BECKY EMERGES

Dearest Friends,

There are three or four things that I remember most about early '77.  First was that, thanks to those books by Adelle Davis, I was rethinking the way I cooked and ate.  I was buying things like vitamins, yogurt and whole wheat flour, for the first time ever, and using them to make whole wheat banana pancakes, yogurt popsicles, and even home-baked bread.  Second was that things at work were really cranking up, and my boss seemed to be giving me more and more responsibility.  I was crazy busy taking inventory every morning, then would take the paperwork home with me to tally up at night.  Once that was complete, there were many new shipments due in that would need to be unpacked and priced, and then M. would be off to Paris again for another buying trip!

Miss Nellie Celebrates a Birthday

Most of all though, I remember the parties -- lots and lots of parties!  There were birthday celebrations and Mah Jong luncheons.  We hosted one party to welcome old friend BW from Indonesia, and went to a Chinese dinner that was a going-away party for JH and his family, who had been so helpful to us when we first arrived.  The highlight of the evening at that one was getting to sit around and watch two guys play the hottest new thing on the market -- an electronic game called Pong!  I'm afraid I was less than impressed.  There were dances at the American Club and out at the fab yard mess hall, and even a barbecue out in the desert.  Sometimes we even went to two parties in one night!  Perhaps we were trying to distract ourselves from that fourth thing -- the thing that was occupying our every waking thought at the time (and probably my dreams as well) -- John's imminent departure. 

Not sure what this party was for.

On Saturday, Feb. 19th, we got word that he would be heading offshore in the next day or two.  On Monday he took off from work early, and drove me down to the hobby shop to get stocked up on projects.  Guess he figured I needed things to keep me busy while he was away.  The next day, right after lunch, I took him out to the fab yard to catch his boat, only to find it was being delayed 24 hours.  We took advantage of our little reprieve to go to the movies that afternoon.  Young Frankenstein happened to be showing, and we figured some good belly laughs were just what we needed.  Much to our surprise, unlike the time when we saw it back in the states and the audience was rolling in the aisles, this time we were the only two people in the entire theatre who laughed even a tiny bit!  I guess Mel Brooks just doesn't translate well into Arabic.

I checked back with John at lunchtime on Wednesday, but he still didn't know when the boat was to depart.  That afternoon I went to my very last French class -- another reason why John was concerned about my having too much time on my hands while he was away.  He finally left early the next morning, Feb. 24th, and our only consolation was that at least we had a month's home leave coming to us in June, and we were planning a stop in Greece on the way home.  Finally I would be able to step foot off this tiny island!

One other thing has become increasingly obvious to me, though, as I have been writing these stories and posting these photos -- something I don't think I was even aware of at the time.  You see the girl in those black slacks and that flowered haltar top, in those two photos above?  She's not the same girl who arrived in Indonesia some 20-odd months ago.  She's come a long, long way from being that shy little mouse who sat meekly in the corner at parties, and rarely strayed from her hubby's side!

MY GLOBAL KITCHEN

Other than our weekly excursions to El Chicos for some good ol' Tex Mex, and the occasional plate of Americanized spaghetti and meatballs, I grew up totally oblivious to the cuisines of other countries.  The first time I tasted Chinese food was when my best friend's parents, who had emigrated from there, fixed a big feast for us in honor of her graduation.  My first taste of Japanese was in college, when a roomie fixed sukiyaki for me.  So, as you can imagine, living overseas, amongst people from all over the world, was quite the eye-opener for me.

Is it just me, or did Dear Hubby look a lot like Ryan Gosling back in those days?

As for my hubby, he grew up with a meat and potatoes man for a father.  George liked his meals to be predictable, so pretty much every week it would be meatloaf and mashed potatoes one night, steak and baked potatoes another, hamburgers on Saturday, roast beef on Sunday...you know the drill.  I just couldn't cook like that.  I would have gone insane from the monotony in just a few months.

I know, I've posted this before, but it's the only one I've got of me cooking!

If I was going to cook, I was going to be adventurous -- try new things, take a few risks.  Some of my experiments turned out great.  Some?  Not so much.  Trouble was, I had trouble remembering which recipes were which.  That could be why John swears we never had the same thing twice.  I always accuse him of exaggerating, but after flipping through a few of these date books of mine, I have to admit, there may be some basis to his claims.  We were eating everything from Bedoin Sandwiches and Indonesian Smoor to Veal Inverness and Gaelic Steak Flambe'!  Very rarely did he get an ordinary meat and potatoes meal -- and this was all before I discovered my special treasures at the Family Bookstore.

BD, Paula and Nellie were always willing guinea pigs for my culinary experiments.

One weekend when we were at the bookstore, just browsing around, I finally ventured away from the fiction shelves and discovered a whole section of "cookery books."  The only cookbook I owned at that point was one of those huge, dictionary-like tomes with lots of words but no pictures other than the occasional diagram for dismembering a chicken or such.  Imagine my delight upon finding a British collection of international cookbooks, where every single recipe had a beautiful, full-page color photograph to go with it!  Of course, being British, the measurements were all metric, and the recipes called for veggies I'd never heard of, like aubergines and courgettes, but did I let that deter me?  Heck no!  That first day, I bought only one volume -- the one on Middle Eastern cookery -- but by the time we left Bahrain, I had pretty much the whole collection.  Poor John.  From that point on, about the only time he got meat loaf was on his birthday!

QUEEN OF MY CASTLE

Some of the Arab bread from our corner baker, which we quickly became addicted to.

Dearest Friends,

My life was so very different here, compared to what it was in Indonesia, that I don't really know where to start or how to describe it.  In Indonesia I felt isolated...insulated.  My days were very routine, and very much separated from the world around me.  Most of the time there I had felt like I was just watching, waiting.  Now it felt more like I was living.  Though the scenery was awfully bleak and desolate here, when compared to our awe-inspiring surroundings in Indonesia, I felt more a part of what was going on around me, like I finally had some say over my life.  I actually had some choices to make, instead of having them all made for me.

Funny, but until I pulled these photos out, I had forgotten that my kitchen here in Wimberley was not my first black,white, and yellow kitchen!  I covered those counters myself, with something like black vinyl contact paper -- and no, I never sipped Jack while I cooked, or at any other time!

Most of all, I loved being the queen of my own castle, with no maid, and no bevy of older, more experienced neighbors (or relatives) telling me what to do and how to do it.  I still wasn't a very good cook, but I was becoming more adventurous, more willing to try new things.  I tried making my own sourdough starter, and attempted making bread, pancakes and biscuits from it, all of which were flops, but I had fun anyway.  Best of all, when dinner was a disaster, or when I just didn't feel like cooking, we finally had some other options!

One of the more exotic places we discovered was called Omar Khayyam, and served middle eastern food.  They had this one dessert which had a tissue-paper-thin sheet of real gold leaf draped over it, and you were actually supposed to eat it!  At the opposite end of the spectrum was a British fast-food joint called Wimpy's (after that character from Popeye who was always trying to borrow money for a hamburger).  We were quite disappointed to discover that their burgers really sucked (think White Castle), but they had a counter with stools, and it was a fun place to go for ice cream or a coke.

After a while we joined the American Club -- kinda like a country club, without the pool or golf course -- and that became our go-to hangout.  They did a pretty decent hamburger, and hosted Mexican Night or Barbecue Night on a regular basis.  One of the first things I signed up for was their Gourmet Cooking Club, where a different member did a little cooking demonstration each week.  Not really gourmet, but fun.  I enjoyed being able to hang out with women who loved to cook and who's hubbies didn't all work for the same company.  Since they weren't all Americans, as it turned out, and had lived all over the world, I began to amass a very international recipe collection.

The best thing about the American Club, other than their burgers and free lending library, was that it was within walking distance of our house, which meant we could always get there -- even when our car was in the shop!

PAYBACK

My improvised sewing table.

Dearest Friends,

That first week in the new apartment was a crazy one!  First of all, we had to figure out how to use the space.  A middle-eastern floor plan is very different from a western one.  Usually there is one big room in the center of the house, surrounded by much smaller rooms on all four sides.  The tiny pieces of rattan furniture we had ordered would have been dwarfed in that huge center room, so we decided that would be our dining/party space, and we made a cozy sitting/TV area (yes, we would finally have TV again!) in one of the smaller rooms.  Another tiny room, only about 6x10, that had a window into the central room, became my sewing/ironing space.  I still wonder how a Bahraini family would have used that space.

We had yet to find blocks to set the bed frame on, but I was done with sleeping on the floor, so we filled it up anyway...then spent another sleepless night trying to control our chattering teeth.  First thing the next morning I caught a taxi downtown, and spent most of the day searching for some kind of mattress pad that could insulate us from the bone-numbing chill of that water-filled mattress.

I didn't have any kind of washing machine yet, and hadn't seen anything that looked like a laundromat, so I figured I would just wash our clothes in the kitchen sink for a while.  First though, I had to clean out our little back walkway, so I'd have a place to hang them.  I was beginning to understand that this "premier" ground floor apartment might not be so premier after all.  You see, the Bahraini garbage collection system was a bit different than what we were accustomed to.  It was not unusual for people to just toss their trash out doors and windows each night, and since we had several apartments above us, much of that landed on our front stoop and back walkway.  The rats got first dibs, then early each morning a little fellow with a broom and cart would come along, to gather whatever was left.  My mom told us she boo-hooed when she saw the photos of our neighborhood, with all the trash in the street.  That's when we decided that perhaps it would be better not to share every little detail with them.

The Lemon

One day I went to meet John at the office, then we had to go get eye-tests (two hours of waiting, five minutes of testing), a prerequisite for getting our driver's licenses.   Another day we had to go get more shots (ick!).  In between all of this, I was busy painting kitchen cabinets, searching for curtain fabric, and planning what furniture we needed to scavenge or build.  John spent his lunch hours trying to find us a car -- not an easy task when you have a wife who doesn't know how to use a stick-shift, and really, really, really doesn't want to have to learn how in a foreign country with such strange traffic rules (or lack thereof) and a million round-abouts.  Against his better judgement, he bought that Chevy Vega, which ended up spending more time in the shop than out of it (there was no Chevy dealership in Bahrain, and all parts had to be shipped from abroad).  I felt kinda bad about that, but then again, he did make me leave that comfy hotel and sleep on a hard terrazzo floor.

TO MOVE, OR NOT TO MOVE?

"You mean to tell me this isn't wallpaper?  It's all been roller-painted on?  In every single room? No wonder the rows are so wobbly!"

Dearest Friends,

As soon as John went to sign the lease and pick up our keys, we got down to the business of trying to make the place livable.  One thing we had picked up while in the states was a waterbed mattress (remember, this is the mid-seventies we're talking about!), so the first order of business was to find lumber and build a frame for it.  John borrowed tools and we worked on that in the evenings, and I divided my days between scrubbing down the entire place, waxing terrazzo floors, and getting taxis to take me around to various shops, trying to find the things we would need just to get by.  I think most families stayed in the hotel at least until their air shipments arrived, but I had a feeling that would never fly with my hubby, and that I'd best get my rear in gear!

JH and his wife V loaned us a folding table set, so we'd have a place to eat, and we bought a hideous but cheap sofa and chair from some bachelor who was leaving, just to have somewhere to sit.  We figured we could always pass it on to the next set of rookies, once our own stuff arrived.  We must have bought some used appliances as well, for my diary mentions having them "moved over", and it mentions my sanding down a refrigerator and painting it bright yellow!

This is when I first began to realize that I enjoy anticipation much more than my hubby does.  I savor the period building up to a holiday or event, while he prefers to just jump right into it.  Well, at least that's how he was back then, before I converted him to my way of thinking.  Anyhoo, I was having a great time puttering around at the apartment and scouring the markets, but I also enjoyed coming back to the hotel each afternoon, to soak in the tub or sit out by the pool.  I especially enjoyed getting to try out the various restaurants that were available, since we hadn't had any to go to in Cilegon!  The night we found the apartment, we celebrated by trying a Chinese restaurant we'd been told about.  It was surprisingly good, even if they wouldn't serve anything that was made with pork.  Another night we went to check out the restaurant in the only other upscale hotel in town, the Hilton, and you'll never guess what we found there!  As soon as we walked through the doors, we heard someone calling "Mr. John!  Mrs. John!"  We turned to look, and there stood several of the waiters from the Singapore Hilton -- the very same ones who had waited on John the whole time he lived there, and spoiled me rotten on our honeymoon!  I couldn't imagine why anyone from Singapore would think it was an exciting adventure to come work in Bahrain, but then again, there are probably lots of people who long to visit America, and who wouldn't understand why we'd had the urge to go off and live in the places we went to, either.

My husband, on the other hand, was not enjoying himself nearly as much as I was.  If you recall, what with home leave and all, we'd been living out of suitcases for over a month at this point.  He was fed up with that, with eating at restaurants, with trying to juggle a new job and everything else that needed doing, and with finding ways to get back and forth between all these different places, when we didn't even have a car yet.  He just wanted to come home to his own house each evening, and he wanted some simple, home-cooked meals.  I couldn't really blame him, so, against my better judgement, I let him talk me into moving out of the hotel just five days after we signed the lease on the apartment.  The frame for the waterbed was built, but we still hadn't found any blocks to set it on, so we couldn't fill the mattress with water yet.  "But," he asked, "how hard would it be to just sleep on the floor a night or two?"  Well, when you're talking about terrazzo floors, and you've got nothing but a sheet and a thin blanket, it's not just hard.  It's impossible!

COOKING LESSONS

 

 I was not a great cook when we got married, much to John's surprise.  After all, he'd married a Home Ec. major, right?  Unfortunately for him, my specialty was Clothing & Textiles, not Nutrition, which meant I had to take organic chemistry (home ec. being a B.S. degree at that time) but not any cooking classes.  I hadn't picked up much from my mother either, for though she loved to bake, when it came to putting dinner on the table night after night, let's just say, her heart wasn't really in it.  So, she used every convenience product they came up with, and we ate out.  A lot.

Well, my heart was in it, but when it came to cooking from scratch (what other choice did I have?) my only experience was when it was my turn to cook at the co-op I lived in those last two years of college.  I had collected a few good recipes there, but they were mostly stews and casseroles that served 20 or 30 people!  Soooo, my only choice was to pay very close attention to the women around me.  Whenever we were invited to someone's house for dinner, I'd take note of those things John really liked, then I'd go back later to get the recipe, and maybe even a cooking lesson.  You had to be careful with my hubby though, because he wasn't always 100% honest about what he liked and didn't.

Miss N. (right) and two of the wives from Louisiana, who all knew a thing or two about cooking!

Back when we lived at the beach, one of our neighbors was Miss N., and to welcome us, she brought over a big bowl of still-warm, home-made banana pudding.  The next time John ran into her, he thanked her and told her it was very good.  What she didn't know was that he was basing that opinion upon my report, for he wouldn't touch banana pudding with a ten-foot pole!  She brought him a big ol' bowl of it almost every week, from then on.  

Later, when we had all moved into houses, N. & L. had us over for supper one night, and she served us a very simple cucumber salad.  The salads I grew up on were always iceberg lettuce with bottled dressing, so I was shocked by how much I loved this simple country salad -- even more shocked when John took two or three helpings!  In fact, that salad might just have been the catalyst -- the thing that opened my eyes to what it meant to eat real food -- and I still use that recipe on a regular basis, to this very day.

The other thing that improved my cooking immeasurably was a book.  It was kind of like one of those Junior League or church circle cookbooks, but it was published by a chapter of the American Women's Association.  It was put together by women who were living in S.E. Asia at the time, and not only did they give you their favorite recipes, they also taught you how to substitute, improvise, or make from scratch the many, many things that weren't available locally, and, how to prepare some of the yummy local dishes that weren't going to be available once we went home -- the single best purchase I ever made!

Miss N.'s Onion and Cucumber Salad

Combine 1/2 c. white vinegar, 1/2 c. water, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a small bowl.  Whisk together until the sugar and salt have dissolved completely.

Slice two small or one large cucumber very thinly and place in a medium bowl.  (Peel it first if you like, or just run the tines of a fork down it, all the way around).  Add 1/2 onion, thinly sliced.  Pour dressing over the vegetables and stir to combine.  Cover and chill in refrigerator for a couple of hours before serving.

DIARIES, BOREDOM, AND RUMORS

Dearest Friends,

At last we have reached the point in this saga where my memory gets some assistance.  Did I mention that, when clearing out my closet in the townhouse, I found a box of old diaries?  Only, calling this a diary would be a bit of a stretch.  Agenda is probably a better word, for though I wrote down everything I did each day, I never said anything about how I felt, or what I thought!  Too bad.

Me and Young S -- sadly for her, I was the closest thing to a girl her age!

I can tell you what I'm thinking now, though, as I read back through those first few months of 1976.  I'm thinking "Geeze Louise!  My days were a whole lot more boring than I remembered!"  See what you think:

Friday, January 9

Went to exercise group at N.'s house, but no one else showed up, so I came back home and worked on my macrame projects.  Ate lunch, then did macrame some more.  M&C's daughter S came down to visit a couple of times.   The electricity and water went off, so I took a nap.  Did some needlepoint, then finished one of the macrame plant holders.  Fixed pepper steak for dinner.  John developed some film and I started the other hanging basket, then we gave each other pedicures.

The Bandung Man

Here's one of my more exciting days:

Wednesday, January 28

Washed and rolled my hair, then sat under the dryer.  Spent the morning waiting for the Bandung Man and getting ready for Conversation Group, which met here today.  It went pretty well, but there was a lot of food left over.  Fixed shrimp for dinner.  Got a letter from D.  We've had no water upstairs for about 2 weeks, which means hauling buckets up from the kitchen to flush the toilet or take a bath.  All the electricity in the neighborhood went off after dinner, so we went up to Dayeah Kuring for a coke.  Came home and John packed for his trip out to the barge tomorrow.

Speaking of shrimp, I wonder if this was the night I dipped them in that special beer batter recipe before frying them.  I was so proud of myself!  I went on and on about it at dinner, asking John "Doesn't that taste amazing?  Didn't that beer make a huge difference?"  Only, when I went to put the leftovers away, there was my little container of beer batter, still sitting in the fridge, brewing!  Well, if I didn't dip them in beer batter, what did I dip them in?  As it turns out, leftover pancake batter fries up pretty well.

Another Door-to-Door Salesperson

Hope I haven't disillusioned you too much, about my exciting life abroad.  Another thing I can tell you is that, no one is more creative than a bunch of bored expatriate women.  If there's not much to do where we are, then we will make our own fun.  That is how we ended up with a bowling league, coffee group, exercise group, card club, sewing circle, conversation group, etcetera, etcetera.  It wasn't bad, but perhaps you'll understand why I sometimes felt, oh, I don't know, useless?  And then maybe you'll understand why I got so excited, when John whispered the rumor that we might be trading our tropical island, before long, for a desert island in the Persian Gulf.  How could that be a good thing, you ask?  Well, in Bahrain, B&R's people were living in a real city, along with lots of other people from lots of different countries and companies.  And they lived in real houses, of their own choosing, with real furniture and household goods of their very own.  Best of all, the wives were allowed to drive...and get jobs ... and they weren't required to have maids!